Hello, Dulcie Dreams
Notes on graduating (again)
Before the story begins:
I now have 10 copies of Eros Study: Hole that made it to Germany, which I’m hoping to sell within Europe. If you buy directly from me, the shipping is much cheaper. You can reserve a magazine here. These will go fast, so please reach out if you’re interested! Everyone else, there are still copies available online via Eureka! Press now.
Germany is my Jesus walking in the desert for 40 days (two years) to be tempted by the devil (the promise of success in art) era. In this country, no one knows who I am but they wonder why I came. Nothing appears as it seems. And a different kind of solitude now frames my existence.
So I obsessively write and rewrite the first act of my play. What is the name? Maybe Gute Milch, or maybe Dulcie Dreams is Not Your Mother. It doesn’t matter so much right now because there is a story demanding to leave my body and arrive on the page and screen. In the process, I’ve gone in and out of Dulcie Dreams, the main character, for a year now— performing her in various shows, most recently at the Porn Film Festival Brussels, and bringing her out into the world for a short moment at a family farm in Kilfinane, Ireland.
We are approaching her metaphorical birthday, the day she first appeared in my life, when I was embarking on conjuring something that would represent whatever I have supposedly been doing in my current performance program. And now I am at the two-year mark. Another expectation to reveal my inner worlds, and I still have not moved on from milk, and I still feel no closer to my dreams.
The future feels unattainable, which concerns me, as the kind of person who has structured my life around the fantasy of a beautiful future where I would finally be met with stability and a sense of home. Instead, I find a temporary home in Dulcie, a suburban dyke who accidentally ends up in Nuremberg, Germany during her endless lifelong quest for fame, love, and recognition. It’s not New York, her goal, but she decides to trust this strange twist of fate. I’ve decided to trust my own twist of fate, and sink into the feeling of not knowing…not knowing what will happen after I graduate in July.
I won’t reveal too much of the story, other than I am still waiting to write the hopeful lesson, which is why I haven’t written or performed the true ending. I am also delaying my own sense of ending. But maybe it would end like it did for Jesus after the 40-day walk of temptation: angels descending to tend to the wounds that life brings, and there would be food.
Is it bad to tell you already the ending? Oh well, a divine intervention is in order…for both me and Dulcie.
Until then, you’re all invited to the Gute Milch Experience at ADBK Nürnberg the week of July 8th, 2026. It’s my graduation show. I will have a few exhibition pieces and will perform a rendition of the first act. And maybe more? My classmates will also have a host of incredible things to share with you all.
Although the future feels not fully within my grasp, a few dreams are still emerging. I’m looking to continue developing both the performative and textual aspects of this work. I’m searching for an editor, and also publishers for this play, which will become the foundation for the next Eros Study-style publication. It is a play written to be read and there are images to go along with it.
I’m also searching for a conversation mentor—someone to practice the art of conversation with. Ideally someone who knows, or has been told, that spoken language is their magic wand. My dreams would be an older queer person? A person who leaves every party with a friend? Do you know what makes a conversation special?
And lastly, my life opens up after July, which means I am open to life invitations: I welcome invitations to visit you. I welcome paid work. I welcome collaborations that feel like mutual obsession. I welcome money and graduation gifts. I welcome making films, performances, and music together.
xoxo,
Cy