tears, bathrooms, and updates

I cried about public sex during my presentation at the Queer Ecologies Research Collective retreat organized by the iconic duoAlex A. Jones and Nick Bennett. My tears surprised me honestly.

Weeks before the presentations, I was struggling to understand what queer ecologies even meant to me and now there I was in tears. I thought I was going to get up there and talk about pleasure ceremony and eco-somatic practices and neglect my obsessions with the glory hole and what people do in bathrooms.

Sophie Strand describes queer ecologies as a practice and framework that “seeks to disrupt heteronormative projections onto nature... Queer Ecology seeks to trouble how cultural dualisms get grafted onto entangled, complex ecosystems. It ‘interrupts’ the tired monologue of hegemonic heterosexuality and the sterile fiction that we are, in fact, differentiated from the natural world. It encourages thinking erotically outside of extractive eroticisms. It melts power dynamics and pulls the rug of linearity from underneath the ‘narrative’ of sex.”

A big part of my work is deconstructing myths we carry around Nature. We often describe nature as this place we go to to escape the city. This idea being that nature is a place that is not here. In New York City, I encounter: people, lantern flies, mugwort, dandelion, mullein, pigeons, waters, sharks, ants, rats, linden trees, electronic parts, dog poop.

We neglect to see the ecosystems around us that we are a part of and trade in this neglect for fantasies. Sometimes we just want to escape and that is ok. Not all ecosystems are the same and maybe we desire something different like more open space, less humans, trees, waterfalls, and maybe the thrill of a potential bear.

I’m interested in how space is constructed and how that affects our bodies and possibilities for interactions. My current case study is the urban park and in particular bathrooms at public parks. Most of my time has been spent studying the history of cities and public bathrooms while also learning about and chatting with people about cruising in bathrooms, which sometimes includes glory holes :D

I am still processing so much honestly. It has been a while since I cried so publicly and felt so passionately about a subject matter. This research has saved my life over and over again and I want to continue to go deeper.

Some Updates:

On July 18th, 2023 I will be doing a short reading on glory holes as part of Eyebeam’s three day long programming which starts today. I’m during the 7-9pm block.

On July 21, 2023: We are doing second and last in-person Eros Study of the summer on Catholicism and Kink with Gabriella Garcia.

Despite the deeply atrocious history of the Catholic church, its elements relentlessly appear in places of transgression. From BDSM dungeons, to queer cinema, to sex work, this study will explore how perverting the ultimate oppressor has has created a tapestry of the erotic as complex and prismatic as a Cathedral’s stained-glass window. How can embracing the manifestation of Collective Shadows within us open new pathways of intimate connection?

This event will feature breathwork, guided meditations, herbal education, open conversations, and a sexy cool down activity! We will also screen Four Chamber’s “Divine Rites ii.”

Gabriella Garcia (s/h) is a researcher, performer, and poetic technologist. Her work explores the protection of radical self-expression, networked subcultures, and cybernetic intimacy. As a performance artist, Gabriella works to create spaces ruled by vulnerability. Find her on IG.

And then, I’m off to Mexico for a month or two or more? I’m currently in the most open limbo state I have ever been in and am looking for jobs and opportunities to bring me to places, people, and work that I can connect to. I’m available for virtual work and am open to work in New York, LA Mexico, Amsterdam, Berlin or wherever after September until January! If you would like to support my studies in Mexico City, here is my gofundme.