the name is a spell

The name is a spell,

& it has always been,

one of our earliest forms of magic.

A parent naming their child -

bestowing upon them a few words which perhaps encapsulate a memory, an essence, and dream they want to continue seeing lived.

The last name - a binding spell that says, I am you, you are me, we are we.

blood bound & name bound, the monogamous gift and technology for “proof of heir,”

or as they say “you are so and so’s kid.”

my naming process was a curious glitch. I was given my dad’s last name, for probably no reason other than patriarchal expectations. because this man has not been in my life & I’m unsure if he was even there at my birth.

he is the only other person I know and have met with my legal last name other than the actor Jason Statham, who I know and have never met.

When I was a kid, I used to joke that Jason was my dad.

& sometimes people would strangely, for a moment, believe me.

As a kid, I was in the practice of lying, preparing me for a lifetime of telling stories (hopefully) more honest ones now.

and the honest truth is when you learn where the last names of many black americans came from, that joke becomes less funny.

For some, names can symbolize belonging, but mine just led to dead ends,

and plus I’m not sure how to separate belonging away from naming’s complicated relationship with capitalistic notions of “property,” the thought that eventually made my silly little Jason Statham joke less funny.

My name to you, for now, is Cy X.

Cy X is my name, is a spell, is an agreement.

Will you call me by my name?

I am Cy X because you called me by my name,

Because you agreed to see me.

I am Cy X because I made a choice and decided to be.

& I have noticed when others want to or decide to make other choices for me or others, the magic of (mis)naming becomes the violent technology of choice.

It’s the “well I’m just going to call you…”

& sometimes the violence is in deciding to call someone a name outside of agreement because it’s “easier” & sometimes its the consistent mispelling someone’s name without care even after being corrected. may all who wield this tool have spells that fail.

I was birthed by collective utterance,

a spell charged by embodied knowing,

a participation in my liberation,

a celebration of the fact,

that I can be who I want to be,

& share the results of my manifestations, if I choose, with those around me.

The name is a spell,

& it has always been,

one of our earliest forms of magic,

& because of that it is also about power.